Google the word sex. 789,000,000 results. Love? 1,670,000,000. Now let's jump outside the box. Homosexuality has 6,890,000 results. Bisexuality has 726,000 results. Asexuality? 1,130,000. Polyamory has 564,000. Polyfidelity, only 60,800. Transexualism, 63,800 (though transexual has a lot more.)
In this culture (I'm American, if that wasn't apparent) we generally think of adult relationships as being between one man and one woman, who are then expected to get married and have two children. And live alone in a big house with two cars and be so separate. And sex is something for the bedroom, never to be discussed outside, except in whispers between female friends over a glass of wine, when we talk about whether we can even achieve orgasm anymore, or if we're quite daring, how great coconut oil is as a sexual lubricant.
We've made sex taboo, while advertising with it, discussing it in media, talking about everyone else's sex lives. Anything out of our cultural norm elicits whispers at best, and can lose friendships and even family at worst.
Because of this, and many other things I'm going to call "cultural repressions", people hide who they are. Celebrities "come out of the closet". Why were they in the closet? Why is there a closet?
Most people know I'm pretty open minded, so I hear things they don't tell others. This friend is polyamorous. That one is bisexual. That one is a sexual sadist. Even things that are fairly "normal" - like a friend who enjoys anal sex with her husband - are whispered behind closed doors.
I'd call bullshit on the whole secrecy thing, but I get it. I completely get it. Being open is hard. You can get buried under half-truths, untruths, and the entire character you've made up that's now as much you as the real you. How hard is it to throw off that mantle? What happens if we drop it? Do our lives fall apart? Do our friends think we're cheating on our spouses, or dirty, or will their religion say we're "bad" or "wrong"? Have you spent so long crushed under the weight of the person you've constructed that you'll come apart and float away?
This actually kind of goes back to my freedom post... our choices are our freedom. Now, whether we can even make choices or whether we're biologically programmed to do certain things, like nifty machines, is a completely different question. But I can say that there are choices we can make, and mostly they're intellectual. The choice to lie, the choice to cover up, even to yourself. The choice to be free and do what you feel is right. The choice to choose a mate and be devoted, whether or not you have loving or sexual relationships outside that pair - or not. Letting others' judgment (this includes religion) cloud your own intuition and feelings, or guiding your own life. And it's hard. It's hard to make those choices. It's hard inside you to bind yourself into a role in which you're not comfortable - to be comfortable in other areas of your life (no difficult conversations with friends, for example). And it's hard to be you, and step outside those bindings, and seek out what you want.
So maybe you're happy with what you have. Maybe the two plus two (or more) lifestyle is really just right for you. Maybe you're not. Maybe religious upbringing or fear or what others will say is just too much for you. But maybe you have something inside of you that isn't the same. Maybe it's not about sex or relationships. Maybe you always wanted to be a writer. Maybe you're terrified of breaking the rules, even if you feel there are rules that it would be right and honest to break.
Maybe you have children, maybe you don't. But either way, isn't being honest, being open, being yourself the best way to demonstrate for them that it's okay to be them? What if your daughter is bisexual? Would she tell you, or would you spend your life (and hers) not knowing a key component of her personality? What if you were secretly bisexual, though? How would you feel knowing all that? And what if you were openly bisexual? Would you be able to celebrate her unique personality and sexuality with her, or are you still hiding your own personality, until you really aren't there anymore?
I love my parents. They did their best raising my brother and me. (So if you're reading this, don't think I'm picking on you; you're just the only parents I have.) My mother said something to me a few years back that resonated, in a way that made me really truly think about how I'm raising my kids. "We exposed you to different religions, because we wanted you to be educated and pick which one you felt was right for you... as long as it was Christian." (I'm not, so sorry that didn't work out quite right.) Anyhow. The point here is... I don't want to limit my children that way. In religion or sexuality or anything else. Who they are is wonderful, is perfect. And who you are is, too.